It’s always a joy for me to help Simply Sacred readers discover new authors. This week’s post is written by Dr. Corey Allan, a friend of mine and an experienced marriage counselor. He cuts to the core with an insightful perspective: the vast majority of us got married with an “entitlement” attitude, which Corey describes as seeking “companionship, security and fulfillment, viewing our spouse as the missing piece that will make us whole. It’s the notion that because we are in a relationship, we are entitled to have our needs met, our desires fulfilled, and our lives enriched.”

But what if marriage is about exposing our true selves so that we can pursue intimacy and personal growth? Of course, marriage is also about glorifying God, but this post leads us to reconsider the presuppositions with which we enter marriage and shows how an entitlement focus can lead us to misery and alienation instead of growth and intimacy. 

If you’d like to experience more of Corey’s work, you can join his “SMR Academy.” While it focuses on physical intimacy in marriage, he also publishes general marriage advice and discussion. If you use the code “Gary,” you can get 20% off a subscription.

In the vast landscape of human relationships, we find ourselves wandering between two powerful forces: entitlement and exposure.

These forces, like the ebb and flow of the tides, influence the depth and quality of our connections. They are always working within the push and pull of every relationship – none more powerful than in marriage.

My journey serves as a testament to the transformative power of embracing exposure over the seductive allure of entitlement.

In this post we look to unfold the layers of these forces, offering insights and reflections on cultivating authentic, enriching relationships grounded in self-awareness and mutual growth.

Entitlement Or Exposure

At the heart of entitlement lies the belief that entering into a relationship bestows upon us certain privileges and assurances. We seek companionship, security and fulfillment, viewing our spouse as the missing piece that will make us whole.

It’s the notion that because we are in a relationship, we are entitled to have our needs met, our desires fulfilled, and our lives enriched.

In this mindset, marriage becomes a dangerous transactional agreement, where we expect our spouses to cater to our every whim and desire. We enter into unions seeking validation, affirmation, and perpetual bliss, convinced that our chosen spouse holds the key to our happiness.

Yet, beneath the surface of these lofty expectations lies a fragile facade, easily shattered by the realities of human imperfection and the complexities of intimacy.

Contrastingly, the attitude of exposure embraces the vulnerability inherent in human connection. It sees relationships as crucibles for self-discovery and growth, where our flaws and shortcomings are laid bare for introspection and reflection. Instead of seeking completion in our partners, we recognize that true growth stems from confronting our own insecurities and limitations.